Indiana Jones-Terrible Grade D

Posted by Martin:

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Grade: D

I saw this mess on Saturday.  I've been too disappointed to even approaching writing about it.  I've read the Talk Back on Aintitcool, I am not on the lukewarm side of this mistake. 

Unless you like to watch car wrecks don't see this movie.

The Paramount symbol in the previous movies fades onto a huge mountain.  Here though it fades onto a mole hill that immediately gets run over.  Not a good omen.

There are UFOs in this movie.  X-Files sort of stuff. I wish someone had told me that so I would have been prepared.  So therefore I'm writing it here.

Yeah, yeah all of the previous movies have unexplained elements.  Roger Ebert writes that this movie fits the previous movies rules, but the rules that were set in the previous movies were that they were supernatural elements, not extraterrestrial in nature.  And yes there is a difference.  The Ark, The Stones, the Grail all come from the past, and come from human history.  Aliens come from "out there" and are not a (proven) part of our history.  Indiana Jones is supposed to be doing archeology from Earthly objects, not outer space objects.  This movie does not follow the same rules as the previous films and that why it fails.

The humor seems very forced.  Using the great John Hurt as comic relief is painful to watch and confusing to understand.

Shia LeBeouf does a good job as Indy's son, but he has two of the most forced "humor" scenes in the movie.  First he is regulated to a CGI America's Home Video kick in the nuts "joke."  Seriously, the nuts.  Lucas and Spielberg have fallen to nuts jokes. 

And then he suddenly is able to swing on vines like Tarzan, maybe they were trying to make a comparison to the Bullwhip, but this is just silly and distracting.

The middle third of the movie is simply too muddled and complicated.  Trying to increase the mystery by talking and talking and talking is not helpful.  Previous entries were simple and to the point, this one is not.

The CGI in this movie is sloppy and obvious, and that is sad coming from Lucas and Spielberg.  Spielberg wrapped shooting earlier this year.  At least Lucas spends a year in post production.  Maybe he should have spent more time in front of the Mac and made it more likable.

The Good

Cate Blanchete is great in this movie, she makes a great villian.  It is almost like she was acting in a different movie from the rest of the cast. 

The motorcycle chase with Mutt and Indy with the KGB is very good and enjoyable. This scene is where the real humor of Indiana Jones exists.  Unfortunately in this movie it only exists in this scene.

The opening feels like an Indiana Jones movie and it is pleasing, but as soon as you realize they are looking for an Alien corpse from Area 51, the Indiana Jones feeling goes right out the window.

The End

Indiana Jones did end with The Last Crusade and let's visit with him on DVD, not in the Kingdom of the silly skull.

Other related Articles:
Elizabeth DVD review
Movies I'm looking forward to '08 (I now admit I got Indy wrong)

Comments

[Jeff]

Agreed. The movie was a joke. We left laughing (check P Keips Hype blog, he and I saw it together). Completely absurd. Words really dont describe it, nor should words be wasted on this. You know Spielberg and Lucas are just sitting at home right now going, "Yep, it sucks, and we know it does..."

[john]

"Aliens come from "out there" and are not a (proven) part of our history" and when exactly were the arc and the grail proven to have existed?

[the shootist]

"when exactly were the arc and the grail proven to have existed"

I can't speak for this reviewer, but in my own opinion, it's not about anything that was PROVEN to exist. In the previous movies, Indiana Jones was about reclaiming a lost aspect of human history. The skeptical grave-robber learns, over the course of his adventures, that there are powerful forces embedded in our traditions. That is: IJ has always been about rediscovering the power of human mythology. The movies work because they make use of real symbols of ancient supernatural force--the ark, the grail--that we all understand and identify. By turning the "prize" into an alien artifact, you've abandoned the emphasis on human mythology and replaced it with ... what? A contrived symbol of extraterrestrial power? I'm not a terribly religious person, but that's a pretty meager revelation--that there are aliens out there who have advanced technology--compared to the revelations about God and his existence explored in the previous movies. That was my real problem with this movie: it seemed to lack ambition. You could have had Indiana Jones tracking down Sasquatch, or the Loch Ness Monster, and I would have come out with the same sense of disappointment.

Also: the CG prairie dogs were awful. Just awful.

[Martin]

The Shootist is right. Indiana Jones should be more about human relics, not sci-fi stuff, that should be more under the X-Files realm.